Written by Matt Barber

Forget about Bert and Ernie. I always thought Kermit the Frog was a little “light in the flippers,” if you know what I mean. Miss Piggy? Probably just cover (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more). And how about that perennial bachelor, Fozzie Bear? Wocka Wocka, indeed.

Or not.

I don’t know.

Still, a recent move by The Jim Henson Company makes you wonder. In a distinctly knee-jerk, anti-family development, the Muppet mogul has severed promotional ties with Chick-fil-A – the booming fast-food chain and American Cinderella story. The multi-billion dollar company has stirred the ire of left-wing extremists in recent days.

Their crime? Failure to obey the nauseating, mind-numbing dictates of political correctness.

Dan Cathy – a devout Christian and CEO of the biblically based eatery – recently made a few innocuous public comments in support of legitimate marriage – sentiments the vast majority of morals-minded Americans happen to agree with. (I sent an email to Chick-fil-A corporate suggesting that, in reprisal, they add frog legs and ham hock to the menu. No reply thus far.)

“We are very much supportive of the family – the biblical definition of the family unit,” said Cathy. “We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. … We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles.”

Or, at least we used to live in that country. No more. Not if we let the godless left have its way.

Cathy’s statement was all it took. The “progressive” establishment had a mouth-frothing, water-meets-Wicked-Witch-of-the-West meltdown. They’ve charged the battlefield with that characteristic slash-and-burn, seek-and-destroy style and grace we’ve come to expect.

“Boycott Chick-fil-A!” shrieked the ever-tolerant, oh-so-enlightened sexual-anarchist troglodytes. “Bigots! Haters! Homophobes!” (You know; same pointless pap, different day.)

Demanding a public apology from Cathy, Chicago Alderman Joe Moreno pledged to prohibit Chick-fil-A from opening a restaurant in Chicago’s Logan Square because – well – because he’s a communist.

Boston Mayor Thomas Menino told the Boston Herald that he, too, would block Chick-fil-A from the “Cradle of Liberty.” (Want some crackers with that rich irony chowda, Tommy?)

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel followed suit.

Now, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but let me just say to these, um, gentlemen: Look here, you law-breaking, totalitarian, anti-American dolts. We have a thing in this country called the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. We will not sit idly by while you use this sacred document as potty paper for puppy. You may have sworn-off chicken, but keep it up, tough guys, and freedom-loving America will force feed you a Sears Tower-sized helping of crow.

Mat Staver, founder and chairman of the Liberty Counsel civil-rights firm weighed in: “To deny business permits or zoning approvals to Chick-fil-A because the president of the privately owned family business expressed his biblical view of natural marriage is outrageous,” he said. “Any city trying to ban Chick-fil-A will not win this battle.”

“These government officials ought to be ashamed. For a public official to threaten denial of a right to do business because the president of a private company supports natural marriage is the height of stupidity and intolerance.

“Unfortunately, their response is typical of intolerant homosexual activists,” he continued. “They will go to any lengths to silence the majority of Americans who believe that children do best when raised in a natural family with one mom and one dad.”

Who would’ve thought that a major flashpoint for our culture war would involve waffle fries – evidently laced with some illicit, highly addictive chemical agent – and equally mouth-watering chicken-and-pickle sandwiches?

No problem. Certain truth can whip dogmatic “progressive” propaganda anywhere, anytime.

That’s the thing about liberalism – about political correctness. It exists in the realm of fantasy. It’s a barrier to truth. “Progressivism” comprises a farcical assortment of pseudo-utopian ideals that reflect how postmodern leftists want things to be, rather than how things actually are.

They float the propagandist idiom “marriage equality” – choosing all the while to ignore objective “marriage reality.”

So-called “same-sex marriage”? A counterfeit. It’s like taking a rotten apple, spray-painting it orange, and then calling it an orange. “Gay marriage” is no more real marriage then a rotten apple is an orange.

It’s unavoidable. Marriage is, by definition, the joining of two complementary opposites – two “others.” Consider Christmas lights. When you string them together you necessarily “marry” the male end with the female end. It defies logic and physics to try and force a male-male or female-female connection. There can be no real connection. Sure, you can employ some artificial mechanism – say, superglue or duct tape – to create a mock connection, but the lights don’t work, and the duct tape eventually gives out. Not to mention that it’s aesthetically off-putting.

“Gay marriage” is mock marriage. It’s fantasy – a dead end. Even a child knows this intuitively and, in their heart-of-hearts, lefties and “gay” activists know it, too. That’s why they respond so violently when people snicker at it or, as in the case of Dan Cathy, even respectfully acknowledge that it’s not grounded in reality.

The wonderful thing about liberals is that they almost universally overplay their hand. They respond to “inconvenient truths” with hysterical, reactionary overreach. There’s been a magnificent backlash from their attacks on Chick-fil-A. They’ve picked a fight they cannot win.

Gov. Mike Huckabee, never afraid to speak his mind, has waded into the fracas. He’s organized a “buy-cott” – a “Chick-fil-A Appreciate Day” for Aug. 1, 2012.

On that day, marriage-reality supporters – anyone who loves freedom and family values, really – are encouraged to patronize Chick-fil-A. I’ll be taking my family.

A list of venerable luminaries, including the Rev. Billy Graham, have joined the event. Millions are expected to participate.

In the wake the Penn State scandal surrounding Jerry Sandusky’s homosexual assault on dozens of young boys, the Boy Scouts of America moved to protect children by re-affirming its prohibition against scoutmasters who live a homosexual lifestyle. Although they didn’t expressly indicate that Penn State influenced their decision, there can be little doubt it did.

As with the Chick-fil-A debacle, libs lost their collective noodle. Apparently the only thing they hate more than Chick-fil-A is a “morally straight” 12-year-old who strives for integrity and merit.

So here’s my proposal: Don’t let a bunch of uber-obnoxious, loud-mouthed liberal pansies intimidate you. They’re nothing but a wet paper tiger. On Wednesday, Aug. 1, have your kids wear their Boy Scout uniforms to Chick-fil-A. Scoutmasters, bring ‘em all.

There’s still time to reverse America’s spiral down the moral toilet bowl of history. On Aug. 1, even if you don’t eat fast food, buy Chick-fil-A anyway. Then give it to some homeless guy and claim it as a tax deduction.

That’ll really make ‘em squirm.